Yahoo...answers?

My adventures on the internet have led to me to 'Yahoo! Answers'. This is a website where users post questions that Google couldn't answer, and instead get people to find the answer for them. The questions are often hilarious and offer significant proof that humanity has some serious issues. Case number one:

Just why? I imagine it would tickle like crazy for a start. Surely the minute the cat's sandpapery tongue hits those delicate nipples you drop kick it into another room, instead of letting the cat continue for such a length of time your nipples change colour? If your nipples have turned yellow, for whatever reason, you should probably see your doctor. Unless your cat has some sort of infection and has just dribbled harmless gunk all over your nipple. In no circumstance should you begin a search for Jesus as he does not own a medical degree, nor does he have veterinary knowledge of cats.

Well at least the cat might have been getting some form of sordid pleasure but the same cannot be said for this poor turtle. Masturbation is often an emotional thing, especially during the shame filled aftermath whilst you pull out the globules of semen from your public hair from where you accidentally tilted the tissue paper you hoped would catch your load. Masturbating is a private thing and taking it out on your pet turtle is completely irrational as he holds no blame in your act.  

'You like to watch don't you Mr. Turtle?'

Now for a mother whacking off her son. Lol. 

This is why prostitution should be legalised. No boy should have to lose out on playing with himself because he has no arms and no mother should ever have to fill in the void left by Mr. Righthand. This poor boy has no arms and now he's getting his Dad's sloppy seconds. Imagine how awkward dinner would be in that family, especially when the husband notices the sudden muscle growth in his wife's arm. At least we know this kid isn't throwing any turtles at the walls though.


Of course this is the internet where everything is potentially made up and with stories like these we can only hope.