The truth behind Jedward's tweets.

I have very recently joined Twitter (follow me @TheMatty_P_B). Deciding who to follow was hard, but following Jedward was an easy decision. After hearing this interview on Radio1 I decided that Jedward are the most mentally unstable entertainers currently in the public eye. Twitter went on to not only prove it, but make it so glaringly obvious I'm surprised that these two Aryan Jimmy Neutron impersonators aren't in a padded cell. For all my non-UK based readers here is a picture:

'Maybe we should kiss to break the tension?'

Despite me having only been following Jedward for a couple of days they have provided me with a wealth of 'Tweets' so bizarrely random that I'm pretty sure I could dedicate this entire blog to their warped minds (don't worry - I won't!).

If any other celebrity made a statement such as this everybody would be suggesting rehab. I like to imagine Jedward  were chowing down on tabs of acid whilst rubbing hairbrushes across their hair and face before writing this tweet. 

With drinking comes urination. It's a fact of life. Most of us urinate from between our legs but apparently not Jedward. I can only assume that they are telling us that they have 2 dicks, one that dangles from their left leg, and another from their right. This would mean when Jedward stand next to each other they would look like a two headed octopus. Awesome. 

I think seals are pretty cool too. They flop around like a fat man with his trousers caught around his cancles. Taking one for sushi would be just the level of crazy that has made Jedward so famous. I can already see the headline 'Jedward ravished by seals after inviting them for sushi'. Would you take this for dinner?  

...you're next Jedward

Ninjas are famous for many things. They are badass, lethal with a blade, and could probably kill you without even moving. They certainly aren't known for their amazing Jedi like accuracy with their piss however. I for one don't pee in the dark as the bathroom light is only an arms reach away from my toilet. Sure when the light hits my sleep addled eyes it feels as though my retinas are melting, but it is preferable to peeing all over the floor. 

Perhaps Jedward's hair is so blonde that it works as some sort of light source allowing them to vaguely see where the toilet is? This would be ignoring the fact that Jedward has a dick dangling from each leg so any accuracy whilst peeing would be impossible. 

Note that all these tweets were captured within a 2 day time frame. There were many more strange tweets that never made the cut. It is easy to laugh at Jedward as quite frankly, they are fucking mental. But their insanity has made them famous and they are probably millionaires by now snorting coke with seals whilst all four of their dicks are being sucked by ninjas.

Like a boss.