Dear Pornography, we need to talk.

I, like the majority of men watch pornography from time to time. I'm not a regular user, but I do dabble. My girlfriend's general reaction to pornography is 'ew gross' and I don't blame her. It's hard to disagree with her when watching a woman bend her head up towards a 12" dick, hungrily awaiting a face-full of jizz like a baby bird awaits its Mother's regurgitated food. Countless magazine articles recommend watching pornography with your other half to spice up the love life. They are wrong. All pornography does is convince you that a good sex life entails:

• Grabbing and shaking a girls ass like a cocktail shaker.
• Lots of threesomes.
• Spitting all over your girlfriend. Preferably on her ass. The bigger the loogie the better.
• Slapping. Jesus don't forget the slapping. Slap the thighs, ass, boobs, whatever. Then when you're finished, slap her with your cock. 
• An impossibly large penis which looks long enough to penetrate a girl lung should you engage in fellatio. 

Now general life experience has taught me that the vast majority of women don't like a lot of these acts, which is good, because I wouldn't really want to perform any of these acts (and my dick isn't going to be penetrating any lungs). 

Having already admitted to watching pornography it may strike you as strange that I find pornography so bizarre. But pornography wins by default. It's only competition is my imagination, which is severely lacking due to a childhood full of videogames instead of reading books or whatever. To really express the huge range of emotions I feel when watching pornography I felt I needed to put it in video form. Enjoy:

There you have it. Pornography brings me to tears. Or more likely it's the shame of being a grown man and knowing I still fap my todger like I did when I was 14. 

If you like this blog don't forget to leave me a comment. Or if you think I'm a prick leave a comment. Basically leave a comment, or subscribe to the blog or the youtube channel. If people like the video I may be tempted to add my camp West Country drawl to another one.